tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466691337834051176.post5443115572353404993..comments2024-03-01T03:37:20.420-05:00Comments on I'M SOMEWHERE ELSE: I'm a fake person.Amanda Foresthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04200794053287551087noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466691337834051176.post-10296054668877935952009-10-20T16:13:32.924-04:002009-10-20T16:13:32.924-04:00I have felt like I wasn't anyone before but wh...I have felt like I wasn't anyone before but what I was really feeling was that I wasn't anyone normal. I'm working on getting over that feeling normal thing because it's never going to happen. Not very many people will ever get to know the real me because I am just too different but some people will and most importantly if I really get to know myself then it really doesn't matter if anybody else knows the real me. Sounds cheesy I guess but it's helping me.<br /><br />I care about others immensely, but I don't "care" in words or emotions. Normal people care in emotions and then express those emotions in words, but I don't naturally associate how deeply I care for someone to an emotion. Like you said, I have learned what to say in response to someone who is in pain. It's on a completely different plane void of emotion but that doesn't mean you don't care. It's just not a social concept of behavior yet because it's not understood. And even those of us who "feel" without emotions do not fully understand it. Sometimes our emotions or the emotions of others can mingle on that plane and confuse us about how we are really feeling, but I think people with AS need to understand that emotion is secondary for us and may not necessarily be the driver ( if it is, it's probably just by chance or learned). <br /><br />I don't think your reactions are fake just because they are learned. Your natural reactions are non verbal and non emotional therefore you have to learn how to get what you are feeling to come out in a way that others will recognize. You are someone. Imagine the real you being squeezed through a "normal" machine and then what comes out is how others see you. A representation of you in an unnatural form. Ya it sucks and it's lonely as hell but I understand and there are others who do to. <br /><br />If you think of the "normal" machine as applied behavior analysis like you wrote about in your last post then we can really use that to our advantage. And if our machine runs out of electricity (spoons) then we are pretty much screwed. Spoons are definitely the crux of AS. If we never ran out of spoons then we could be god damn experts at running our "normal" machines.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06001020811877167957noreply@blogger.com