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Recently I've been having some times when I kind of walk by stumbling forward without bending my knees and I also grab on to handles and railings to pull myself up and forward as much as possible instead of using the muscles in my legs to push myself up. I think it's just from walking a lot on those days and generally being exhausted as a person.

Anyway, I realized that if anyone asked me why I was walking like this or using things to grab and push off of, I would say, "I'm just doing it for attention," and I would believe it.

I don't think I'll ever know if this general orientation toward not believing in or fully feeling my negative emotions or discomfort is just an organic "part of my disability" or a side effect of how my disability and other things were treated while I was growing up. Either way, it pretty much defines me.