about this blog

It's probably pretty rare for someone to come here anymore! I am an Autistic person who as I write this (in 2021) has spent most of her adult life as a PA for one person with severe disabilities. In my early twenties, though, I had a ton of different work experiences with different disabled populations. At that time, I was realizing how much my disability affected my life and also beginning to see the ways disabled people are discriminated against, even by people who are supposed to be helping us. I write from the perspective of both a disabled person and a direct support worker, since I am both.

My posts are about a few different subjects like disability identity, social construction of autism, ethical issues for support workers, living with a disability, and ethics in general. When I first started writing, I wrote so much that I made a directory of my posts, but it's not up to date. Instead, here are 13 things I've written that I either particularly like, or that other people seem to have particularly liked.

1. Social Skills Don't Exist 2010
2. some disabled staff person fragments and facts 2011
3. Ability Statements Are a Personal Attack 2011
4. pink-collar jobs and autism 2011
5. How Indistinguishability Got Its Groove Back 2012
6. behavior vs. ability 2012
7. Gaslighting 2009 (I don't like this as a piece of writing, but it covers something that I haven't seen written about very much.)
8. They hate you. Yes, you. 2009
9. Disability services are not accessible! 2011
10. It's a beautiful day and I can't see it 2011
11. training 2012
12. Away From Home 2014
13. Mushballing 201

I like to hear from people who read my blog and my email is awf vivian, at gmail. I don't always remember to answer but if you are thinking about emailing, you don't need to be shy about it. I will never be bothered by someone emailing me.


  1. Hi there - I found a link to your site on Autistic Hoya's website. I couldn't figure out your email address so I am leaving this comment here.

    My name is Dawn Marcotte and I am looking for autistic adults who might be willing to write an article for my website, www.asd-dr.com.

    I want to run a series of articles for autistic teens who are thinking about college. Right now I am hoping for topics like college prep, life skills, things you wish you had known etc. But I am certainly open to other ideas.

    I firmly believe in the saying, "Nothing for us without us." As I am not autistic I don't really feel qualified to write these kinds of articles.

    If you are interested in this idea could you please contact me? My email is dmarcottefreelance (at) live (dot) com.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

  2. Hey Amanda,

    I have stumbled about a YouTube video of yours talking about autism and that lead me to your blog. I read some of your blog posts. And I wanted to just tell you that, even though you (feel that you) are disabled (I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS shit years ago), I don't see a person that is truly different than many other ''normal'' people I met in my life.

    Actually, you come across as very normal, not out of the ordinary, and the fact that you are able to play guitar and wrote so many songs makes you more talented than most people.

    So yreah. That's what I wanted to say. I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate the fact that you are unique and have substance in your character.


    1. Oh yeah btw, please quit smoking. That shit is awful and expensive. I have smoked myself for 1.5 years and yeah. It sux. c:

    2. Thanks for your comment. To clarify, I don't see being disabled and being normal as mutually exclusive. I can be and am a disabled person who is ordinary and used to write music.

      I don't know your history with having a PDD-NOS diagnosis but for me, being diagnosed on the autism spectrum was a negative thing when I was a kid, making me feel like my feelings, actions, and preferences were wrong. I always felt like I had to lie about or deny being Autistic, or else feel bad about myself. For me this didn't really work because I do have a disability, especially in terms of emotional regulation and daily living/adaptive skills issues. I felt better when I got to know other Autistic people and a)realized that many were just as "normal" as I was, b)got to understand more of my daily living problems, how they worked, and possible ways for dealing with them. Not accepting these problems is not healthy for me and as such it often gets my back up when people tell me, "Actually, you're normal." Although I realize this may come from negative associations with the word disabled, I don't see being disabled as meaning that people have to think I'm weird or not like me.