30 January, 2011

from the inside, #3

Talk disabled to me.

If you want me to have a crush on you and/or consider you one of my best friends, this is a pretty surefire way to do it. I'll make it easy for you, actually, if I think you're going to be good at it. It goes like this:

"Wait, well, I mean, do you think I'm really disabled?"

And then you list the reasons I am disabled.

My friend Ari does this. He is Up There in my estimation as a result. One time he spent a really long time telling me all about how I'm disabled in different areas. It basically felt the same as if he made me a cake.

Some people will have no idea what this means and will probably take it as some kind of self-hatred. That's cool, you guys, because I actually hate you for having that reaction. These posts are called "from the inside" because they don't concern themselves overmuch with explaining a bunch of context to people who haven't experienced it and can't put two and two together to understand how other people feel.

If you do understand how I feel...well, I don't hate you. And if you want me to opposite-of-hate you, you know how to do it.


  1. This was painful to read because I want this so badly and have done for a very long time but hadn't put it into words like this yet. I know what you mean and feel the same way and basically, thank you.

  2. It can be cool when somebody does this to me, but it really depends on the situation. Sometimes when a person is doing this to you, they're just projecting onto you something they really want to see that isn't there for their own reasons, and that's icky.

    I'd be wildly curious to see how I disabled I come across to other people, but I'm not sure if it really comes across over the internet, so it might be something a person could only do to me if they knew me in real life. Who knows though, maybe I'm wrong.

  3. "It goes like this:

    "Wait, well, I mean, do you think I'm really disabled?"

    And then you list the reasons I am disabled."

    This right there? Yep. That's me too.

  4. Yes, I know exactly what you mean and now I am jealous. I feel like my skin is invisible and I desperately want to rip it off but every time I speak the layer of invisibility grows thicker and thicker. If I could go back in time to when I was 8 years old I could have just stopped talking, then people would have "talked disabled" to me every day.