I have a dear friend who really wants to be diagnosed with ASD. I find this ridiculous. I feel kind of bad about it because I turn into the least supportive friend in the universe whenever the subject gets brought up.
My friend: I think it would be really helpful because then if it makes me feel like crying when someone talks loud, I wouldn't have to feel bad about that.
Me: (badly suppressed laugh)
My friend has a bunch of more specific and less stigmatized--therefore, way more useful--disability diagnoses. I'm like, what's wrong with those? The LD/MH ones more or less add up to ASD, except for the loudness thing, but get an SPD diagnosis if it's that important to you. (My friend isn't trying to access any services that are specifically for people with ASD.)
My friend: Well, I just think it would make more sense instead of me having all these different things.
Me: Well then you already know it makes sense.
My friend: I would feel better if I was officially diagnosed.
Me: Well, okay, but it's not going to feel that official because you're going to have to go to like ten doctors because you look too normal and have too many friends.
Blah blah blah. Am I a bitch? I guess I just think it's up to my friend whether he wants to feel like an asshole for being upset by loud noises, and not only is the purpose of a diagnosis not to make you not feel like an asshole, but in my experience it's pretty much the opposite.
A bunch of people on tumblr were talking about how professionals tend to "treat" people with ADHD basically by telling them to do things that are really hard for someone with ADHD to do. As far as I can tell the same goes for autism. Plenty of non-disabled people in my life, who understand that I have autism as a fact, can think of nothing more offensive than taking my word for it when I say, "this is REALLY hard for me" or "this is making me REALLY upset" or "could you do me a favor by doing this, which would help me do something the way I need to do it, because I can't do it the other way?"
"Wait, why would that be hard?"
(thinks I am joking about being upset)
"I can't believe you would ask me to do that!"
"Well, why don't you just do this? Why not?"
Seriously guys. Autism, or whatever, is not a word that helps. Having a real disability does not in any way give you the right to feel like anything other than a bad person when you can't do something. It definitely doesn't give you the right to draw your own conclusions about what you need or what is the right way to react to a problem.
I admit that I am kind of a shit friend when it comes to this, because I hate everyone and I feel like the only thing you can do is feel okay yourself, because most people don't want you to feel okay.