I don't respond well to certain kinds of advice on this blog, because when I write about personal stuff I'm usually just trying to give an example of what a particular thing is. When someone tries to suggest solutions to something I obviously don't think there is a solution to, this just comes off like they're telling me I'm wrong and I don't know how things really are. It's okay to flat-out disagree with an idea, but at least say so instead of giving me a (usually bad) suggestion on how to deal with a personal problem that I was just using as an example.
I usually do not talk about disability-related things to most people, because the majority of average responses are triggering to me. I'm hesitant to say triggering since I don't have PTSD, but I guess it seems like a useful word because even though I think their responses are wrong, I know my reaction doesn't make sense. I end up thinking about it at least all day, crying really hard for a long time, and sometimes doing stuff that isn't a good idea.
I can almost always avoid being triggered because I just avoid talking about these subjects with people I don't trust. Unfortunately, sometimes it can happen even when people I trust just don't understand one small thing that I thought they understood. It's so stupid that this happens because they didn't even do something wrong.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I got kind of worried because I started having trouble walking. (I probably walk a bit Autistic but I don't have a noticeably different gait like some people with CP or neurological illnesses do.)
For periods of time, I started kind of stumbling forward or walking forward with one foot and dragging the other foot to the side. One time, I actually couldn't stop walking and stand still and just stumbled back and forth while waiting for my friend to be ready to go. Also, I started finding it really hard to move forward or up and was having to grab things and pull myself as much as possible. At other times, I experienced a weird kind of sudden exhaustion where I would have to put my head down.
My idea was that this happened because I kept going places and doing stuff for three weeks without just sitting around and not thinking about things on the weekend (the walking problems appeared about a week and a half into this period). As soon as I had a chance, I took a weekend to not move or do things, and since then, my walking is normal and most of my other moving is too.
I know that other Autistic people have things like this happen, but it makes me a little worried just because it hasn't happened to me before. Also, this year my head has been involuntarily jerking to the side and dropping and rolling around and stuff. I probably can attribute this to drinking a lot of caffeine, but both things make me nervous just in case they're a symptom of something. If they aren't a symptom, neither of them really bothers me, but I'd like to ask the doctor about it just to know for sure.
I'll probably mention them to the doctor tomorrow, but it kind of sucks because I haven't told my doctor I'm Autistic and I won't be able to because I know I might get triggered if I do. Since I can't explain that I'm under a lot of stress a lot and that it's not totally out of left field for me to have movement problems, I won't be able to give the doctor all the information about what's going on.
A while ago when I was posting about how I wished I could get help with things, a friend suggested that some mental health counselors are willing to help with cognitive problems. This is something I would have to ask my doctor about to find out about, but that's something I won't ever be able to do at all because there's such a high likelihood of triggering things being said.
As a side note, sometimes I end up really upset when I go to doctors anyway because they give me instructions that I'm simply not able to follow. I can't tell them that so it feels like I basically have no options.