12 February, 2010

The house

It's so hard to remember everything I have to do. I brought my assignment to the creative writing house and I was supposed to put a copy of it in each person's folder. There were twelve people. It was hard to find the folders and it took me several tries to find everyone's folder. Meanwhile I was in other people's way. I put down my nonfiction workshop folder so I could concentrate better and have more freedom of movement. Finally I finished putting the assignment in all the folders and said, "I'm sorry" to the people standing there. One girl said, "It's all right." Then I thought that maybe I had really done something wrong because I was just apologizing to be safe and didn't really think I'd done anything. I had to get up early and was so tired and could feel that my hair wasn't clean. I wanted to go home, shower, and sleep. When I got home, after I thought about what I was apologizing for on the walk home, I went up the stairs and it was hard to go up every step. When I got in my room I realized I forgot my nonfiction workshop folder.

I just want to email my professor and tell her it's mine and I'll come get it soon, but she'll expect me to come and get it now. She'll just wonder why I didn't come right back and get it.

My parents have also sent me a box of food that I don't want to talk about or unpack and put away. I already have something from my aunt and uncle that I haven't put away or written them a letter about. I feel like people don't think about how mean it can be to send someone a present.

Sometimes I feel weird tagging these things "ASD" because they're possibly universal? I don't know how other people feel. I saw an ad for antidepressants that said "Do you feel like you have to wind yourself up just to get through the day?" I was surprised that anyone doesn't feel that way. My mom thought I was taking it too literally I think. I think that I'm going to pretend that I didn't realize my folder was missing for a long time. It's boring to have to fake stuff though. Is it weird for me to feel like it would be way too much right now to go back to the creative writing house?


  1. I feel like you so I can't offer insight as to what others are feeling. I've seen an ad like that too. Sometimes I think people who are depressed should maybe have a day of being autistic and see if they change their mind about being depressed.

    You may very well be right that your teacher is wondering or will wonder why you didn't just go back and pick up your folder, but the thing is he/she is going to be polite and not say anything anyway. So I always say, why not just take advantage of their politeness and do what you want. Let it be their fault for not saying anything.

    I hate pretending too but I pretend all the time not to notice people to avoid awkward social moments.

    Oh yeah regarding gifts. I don't send thank you cards if it is expected of me. I only do it if I know it won't be expected. And I don't care who knows it, how rude. Isn't the whole point of gift giving not to receive anything in return? And isn't a thank you card receiving something in return? Isn't any type of communication regarding said received gift, such as "Did you get it?," "Why aren't you wearing the gift I got you?," etc. recieving something in return? I guess I am taking the idea of gift giving too literally? oops.

  2. I could comprehend the actions of another person, particularly if they were extreme, but I had trouble with 'whole people': their motivations and expectations, particularly to do with giving and receiving.

    Donna Williams in Nobody Nowhere.

    And probably a working definition of social recipriocrity, at least for me.

    And giving food can be especially problematic, as it is perishable and temporary and people have all different taste and it's something you would in ideal circumstances supply yourself.

    Ettina wrote an interesting post about gift-giving and the economy. It was on October the 26th 2008.

    It's a gift; you're not owed anything