11 October, 2009

Psalms of Lamentation, or MCC plus me equals true love forever

I have to write about the Metropolitan Community Church. Or not all of them, I don't know what they're all like, but I have gone to the Edinburgh one twice and it's by far my best experience going to church. I hate church. Or, to be accurate, I feel about church the way I feel about girls; I think about going to church all the time, but it's something I'm really anxious about because I don't have much experience, so every time I get close to going to church, I usually break down and don't go. Or if I go once, I can't make myself go again.

Well, MCC Edinburgh is the only church I have ever gone to twice. The people are friendly but not in the way they have been at other churches I've gone to, where there are just a lot of people talking to you and making you feel nervous. People just smile and look kind. After the service there was soup, and I almost left because I was nervous about socializing, but I made myself come back when I was almost out the door because I knew that it would be okay. And it was okay, I talked to some people some, and then I just listened to the conversations of the people around me.

According to Wikipedia, MCC is particularly focused at reaching out to gay, bisexual, and trans people, but what I really like is that it doesn't stop there. They have open communion and the communion is gluten- and alcohol-free in case someone has trouble with one of those things. And there's just the thing I can't name, the thing that makes me feel comfortable in a church for the first time. Last time I went there was a toddler playing with blocks and making noise during the service. It feels like there's no bad behavior there.

The sermon was about how it's okay to tell God you are confused, upset, or doubtful. The pastor said that no one ever make hymns out of Psalms of Lamentation, and that is wrong because it makes people feel like God will be mad at them if they don't have positive feelings all the time. I don't remember the whole sermon because it was really long, but it was really good and by the end a few people were crying. It was so wonderful to feel whole and safe, and I am always spacing out all the time, no matter where I am or what I'm doing, but almost the whole service I was right there.

We had to write our own Psalms of Lamentation. Mine goes:

Why does everyone have to think it's stupid to believe in you & make me feel like I'm stupid and crazy for believing?

If this works on me, does it mean You aren't real?

Why does church have to have so many rules that make me nervous?

It's true that everything is beautiful and hits me hard in the eyes.

I wish more people loved me.

I wish I wasn't as scared.

I wish I could make myself do things.

I love You.


  1. Sounds like a good sermon. I always tell people just because you are angry at God doesn't mean he stops loving you. I am actually a huge church person but don't go to church anymore. I have been wanting to start attending a new one, an Episcopalian one since they allow gay people, but the only one near me is the one my evil Aunt goes to. The one that told my boyfriend that my brothers and I would never amount to anything right in front of me. I have never really cared about church rules and I pretty much did whatever I wanted even if other members didn't like it. I am not necessarily religious but being at a christian church makes me feel close to God just because that is my culture. I certainly do not believe that other religions cannot have a connection with God.

  2. Yeah, I guess that's how I feel too. I like Christianity a lot but I don't want to say that's the only way. That's horrible that your aunt said that. I really like Episcopalian churches.