I don't know what to say, you guys. Once a week I'm going to get to go into a school and hang out with kids who can't talk and can't do some other stuff. I guess I'm glad that I know some people who can talk, because talking can be fun, but sometimes I feel like the ratio in my life is a little too biased towards people who can talk, and I'd like to have more people who can't talk, or at least talk differently. The more I think about the kids I met on Thursday who can't talk, the more excited I am for my summer job where I'm going to spend a huge amount of time with people who talk differently or can't talk! And do other kinds of stuff that I think is interesting.
I think I'm not a very good person and I've felt this way for a long time. I think that it's helpful for me to be around people who don't do some of the things that we sometimes incorrectly assume everyone does, that we sometimes assume are part of being a person. This isn't some Lovaas shit, never fear; it's awesome because they are people, because it reminds me of how stupid and fallacious my concepts of existence are. Also, I invariably get reminded of how arrogant and blinkered I can be, when I make some assumption about how much a person can do or understand...and then they do the thing I thought they couldn't do! Which is wonderful. It's amazing to feel so happy about being proven to be a jerk, and I feel like it's sort of the essence of being Christian, or being the kind of person I want to be.
Being with people who don't pass for nondisabled is exciting because I don't have to worry as much about passing, and can sometimes even experiment with trying to go in the opposite direction, to see if the person responds to stimminess and stuff. Overall, it just feels sometimes like a much better, deeper way of being with people, better than the way I feel about being with anyone normal, except my really good friends.
So, I am really prone to flip a shit when I hear or read anything that seems insulting to people who are more severely disabled than people with an Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis. I try to be nice but it's really hard to worry about being nice to the person I'm talking to when everything they're saying seems either like it's mean to more severely disabled people, or like it's trying to erase them. I don't see Michael John Carley, Temple Grandin, et. al, as people who just have a different opinion that I should respect. Because if everyone's being so respectful, where the fuck is the respect for people who can't talk and wear diapers? Talking about respect just implies a world where everyone can do those things, where the only people being insulted are hypothetical. That is not the world I live in, or even want to live in.
Showing posts with label michael john carley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label michael john carley. Show all posts
14 March, 2010
13 March, 2010
me trying to be a badass on livejournal
it's not a situation where both sides are equal. Saying "Asperger's is going to be taken out of the DSM" doesn't make sense, because that isn't true (by that definition of "being taken out of the DSM," Autistic Disorder is also going to be taken out, but I don't hear anyone saying that). Saying "kids with Asperger's are going to be forced to be in classes with severely autistic, nonverbal kids" doesn't make sense, because that isn't true. Saying "people with Asperger's are now going to be considered not to have any condition at all" doesn't make sense, because that isn't true. Saying "people with Autistic Disorder use diapers/headbang/etc., and people with Asperger's don't, so they should be considered to be different disorders" doesn't make sense, because that isn't true across the board, and even if it was, there are lots of disorders where some people use diapers/headbang/etc., and some people don't.
I don't have to respect opinions that don't make sense or are based on things that aren't true. And it's very hard for me to respect opinions which (in some cases) seem to have a basis in ableism.
ETA: [J.] and plenty of other people who are verbal and who don't use diapers or wear helmets have to share the Autistic Disorder diagnosis with people who do. I have to share the PDD-NOS diagnosis with people who do. If sharing a diagnosis with people who have certain problems that you don't have is so horrible, then why aren't any of us bothered about it? Probably because we're not elitists like Michael John Carley and we realize there's more to a person than whether they can control their bowels.
(Yeah, at this point I'm sort of being an asshole. SOMETIMES I GET OVEREXCITED, OKAY.)
I don't have to respect opinions that don't make sense or are based on things that aren't true. And it's very hard for me to respect opinions which (in some cases) seem to have a basis in ableism.
ETA: [J.] and plenty of other people who are verbal and who don't use diapers or wear helmets have to share the Autistic Disorder diagnosis with people who do. I have to share the PDD-NOS diagnosis with people who do. If sharing a diagnosis with people who have certain problems that you don't have is so horrible, then why aren't any of us bothered about it? Probably because we're not elitists like Michael John Carley and we realize there's more to a person than whether they can control their bowels.
(Yeah, at this point I'm sort of being an asshole. SOMETIMES I GET OVEREXCITED, OKAY.)
11 February, 2010
THE DSM V AGAIN (sorry)
A really long time ago I had talked about how I read an article about how the DSM is trying to change Asperger's, autism, and PDD into Autism Spectrum Disorders, and I had talked before about how I thought this was incredibly good and important. And I guess, now, they've sort of made it more official that they're planning on doing that, and of course some people have said things about how they don't agree, and I don't know, I find that very upsetting.
I'll explain more about what I mean, because I feel like this sounds like a very big statement to make, but I feel like some people with Asperger's, or people with Autism Spectrum Disorders who are verbal and fairly academically gifted, think that the way they're different is okay but they don't feel ready to accept the ways that other people are different.
This makes me very upset. I feel like I've certainly probably been like that at some point, like, when I was younger I didn't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, so I feel like a lot of people I probably thought that I didn't have much in common with them. But as I've gotten older I've found out that this isn't true, and that prejudice against some people with disabilities is insulting to all people with disabilities, and prejudice against some people with Autism Spectrum Disorders is insulting to everybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
And, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that I'm more like nondisabled people than I am like severely autistic people. Like, maybe if you made a diagram, and you had somebody who can't talk and isn't toilet-trained, etc., I guess you could probably figure it out mathematically so that I'm more like a nondisabled person--but I don't know, I still feel like the ways in which I'm different are important, and I still feel very connected and identified with that severely disabled person. And it's very hard for me to feel that I'm not supposed to care about that person [and feel identified with them as ASD people].
And my mom--I haven't heard it yet, 'cause I guess it was on the radio and it's not online yet. But my mom heard this interview with a woman about my age who has Asperger's, and she [the woman] said that she doesn't agree with Asperger's being considered autism, because she says that she doesn't identify with people who are severely disabled--and, um, apparently, she said people who are mentally disabled
--which, I think, I've probably gone over how this doesn't make sense, and how if someone's severely autistic, you can't actually tell if they're mentally disabled, and some people with severe autism have been shown to have normal intelligence or even be brilliant, and that's just a fallacy, it's not true.
But anyway, I guess this girl had said that she thought it was a problem with services because if everyone was called autistic, then she doesn't know what she'll do because the services that she needs aren't the services that a severely autistic person needs. Well I feel like this is just a strawman and it doesn't make any sense. Because I mean, for example, a person could have a diagnosis of an intellectual disability, and this could mean that when they get a job they need some extra help with their job and they need some extra help with their tax forms and stuff. Or it could mean that they can't talk at all and they live in a group home and they need people to help them with quite a lot of things all the time. And these people have the same diagnosis. [Actually I guess this isn’t accurate--one would have a diagnosis of Profound/Severe and one would have a diagnosis of Mild or Borderline. But this is also going to be the case for ASD, I think, so whatever.]
And another example is cerebral palsy, which is a physical disability involving muscle weakness and poor muscle control. So, for some people this could mean that they use a wheelchair, and they can't really talk, so they have to use a machine or a computer to talk, and some people don't even have enough muscle control to do that. So, those people definitely need a lot of services from the government, because they need an aide to help them get around, and they need communication devices, and they need a wheelchair. But there are also maybe people who have some trouble walking, but they can walk, and they talk in a different way, but they can still talk. And those people obviously don't need as many services, or they need different kinds of services.
So, I don't think the fact that all these people are called people with cerebral palsy, or that all the intellectually disabled people are called intellectually disabled people...I don't think that means that they all have to get the same services. I mean, that's kind of ridiculous. I feel like, to the extent that that's true, that everyone with one disability is expected to be the same, and you're expected to be judged by the word that your disability is--you're not able to be like "I have trouble with self-care skills" or "I need help moving around" or something like that--that isn't an acceptable way for services to work. And I don’t get services so I’m not an expert, but I don’t think that’s the way services do work.
So, I guess I don't understand how me being called "autistic" means that I'm somehow going to end up with all the services that a severely autistic person would have. I've also been accused of, people like me, who are "high-functioning," trying to take away the services from "low-functioning" people which also isn't true--I have no desire to take all the services that a severely disabled person needs, and have them end up with my services, which at this point are not any services. That just doesn't make any sense, and I feel like this person doesn't know what she's talking about, about services.
And I also feel like it's a little, maybe, even, dishonest, for people to pretend that it's about services. Because I really feel, sometimes, that people--like me, when I was younger, and like many other people--don't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, and feel very uncomfortable about it, and think that those people can't be anything like them, but that's just not true.
I read some interview with some guy, who, while he ultimately came out supporting Asperger's being enfolded into the autism diagnosis, he said that it's hard to think of yourself as being like people who have to wear a helmet and use adult diapers. And I don't know, I think that's funny because even some people who don't have autism have to use diapers, because all kinds of people have those problems, especially when they're older and stuff, or if they're in a car accident...I guess I think it's funny that he thinks that only happens to severely autistic people.
But anyway, I just think it's really funny that someone is upset by the idea that they might even be associated with someone who God forbid uses diapers. If you ever actually met anyone who has those kinds of disabilities, it's pretty much like meeting any other person, if you can believe it, it's not like that's the only thing there when you look at them. And I don't know, that just makes me feel upset.
On a different (but not extremely different) subject, I get really upset by the word retarded, when it's used as an insult. And I feel like when I try to say that it upsets me, I get this attitude like I'm being really politically correct, and I think people imagine that I'm trying to defend this imaginary group of like, "retarded people," all these disabled people who are, like, too disabled to understand what's going on, and that I'm trying to be charitable. Well, that's not the case. Retarded people, who have a diagnosis of mental retardation...some of these people that I care about and think are really cool and like to be around as much as I like to be around anyone else, and, I'm definitely not being charitable--I'm defending, basically, my friends, or my fellow disabled people.
I mean, I've been called "retarded” as an insult. I think a lot of people with Autism Spectrum Disorders have been. And, there are certain people who will go around...well, I feel like Asperger's has gotten to this point in our culture where we're kind of being thought of as, like, these exotic zoo animals, because we have, like, splinter skills and special talents, and a big effort is being made to distinguish us from either severely autistic people, or retarded people, or sometimes they're just considered to be one big group of people, which doesn't really make sense.
But this makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think my value is in my supposed splinter skills, if I even have such a thing. And I've been called retarded, and I think I have some of the same problems that some intellectually disabled people have. I definitely have some of the same problems that some severely disabled autistic people, who are mistaken for intellectually disabled, have. So, I mean...yeah, to some extent, when people use the word retarded, I even feel like they're insulting me, so I'm not being charitable. I'm defending myself.
And, um, I don't want to separate myself from other disabled people because it isn't fair. It has to go farther than that. I can't just be thinking about myself. I have to be thinking about all the other people who are in this with me.
I'll explain more about what I mean, because I feel like this sounds like a very big statement to make, but I feel like some people with Asperger's, or people with Autism Spectrum Disorders who are verbal and fairly academically gifted, think that the way they're different is okay but they don't feel ready to accept the ways that other people are different.
This makes me very upset. I feel like I've certainly probably been like that at some point, like, when I was younger I didn't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, so I feel like a lot of people I probably thought that I didn't have much in common with them. But as I've gotten older I've found out that this isn't true, and that prejudice against some people with disabilities is insulting to all people with disabilities, and prejudice against some people with Autism Spectrum Disorders is insulting to everybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
And, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that I'm more like nondisabled people than I am like severely autistic people. Like, maybe if you made a diagram, and you had somebody who can't talk and isn't toilet-trained, etc., I guess you could probably figure it out mathematically so that I'm more like a nondisabled person--but I don't know, I still feel like the ways in which I'm different are important, and I still feel very connected and identified with that severely disabled person. And it's very hard for me to feel that I'm not supposed to care about that person [and feel identified with them as ASD people].
And my mom--I haven't heard it yet, 'cause I guess it was on the radio and it's not online yet. But my mom heard this interview with a woman about my age who has Asperger's, and she [the woman] said that she doesn't agree with Asperger's being considered autism, because she says that she doesn't identify with people who are severely disabled--and, um, apparently, she said people who are mentally disabled
--which, I think, I've probably gone over how this doesn't make sense, and how if someone's severely autistic, you can't actually tell if they're mentally disabled, and some people with severe autism have been shown to have normal intelligence or even be brilliant, and that's just a fallacy, it's not true.
But anyway, I guess this girl had said that she thought it was a problem with services because if everyone was called autistic, then she doesn't know what she'll do because the services that she needs aren't the services that a severely autistic person needs. Well I feel like this is just a strawman and it doesn't make any sense. Because I mean, for example, a person could have a diagnosis of an intellectual disability, and this could mean that when they get a job they need some extra help with their job and they need some extra help with their tax forms and stuff. Or it could mean that they can't talk at all and they live in a group home and they need people to help them with quite a lot of things all the time. And these people have the same diagnosis. [Actually I guess this isn’t accurate--one would have a diagnosis of Profound/Severe and one would have a diagnosis of Mild or Borderline. But this is also going to be the case for ASD, I think, so whatever.]
And another example is cerebral palsy, which is a physical disability involving muscle weakness and poor muscle control. So, for some people this could mean that they use a wheelchair, and they can't really talk, so they have to use a machine or a computer to talk, and some people don't even have enough muscle control to do that. So, those people definitely need a lot of services from the government, because they need an aide to help them get around, and they need communication devices, and they need a wheelchair. But there are also maybe people who have some trouble walking, but they can walk, and they talk in a different way, but they can still talk. And those people obviously don't need as many services, or they need different kinds of services.
So, I don't think the fact that all these people are called people with cerebral palsy, or that all the intellectually disabled people are called intellectually disabled people...I don't think that means that they all have to get the same services. I mean, that's kind of ridiculous. I feel like, to the extent that that's true, that everyone with one disability is expected to be the same, and you're expected to be judged by the word that your disability is--you're not able to be like "I have trouble with self-care skills" or "I need help moving around" or something like that--that isn't an acceptable way for services to work. And I don’t get services so I’m not an expert, but I don’t think that’s the way services do work.
So, I guess I don't understand how me being called "autistic" means that I'm somehow going to end up with all the services that a severely autistic person would have. I've also been accused of, people like me, who are "high-functioning," trying to take away the services from "low-functioning" people which also isn't true--I have no desire to take all the services that a severely disabled person needs, and have them end up with my services, which at this point are not any services. That just doesn't make any sense, and I feel like this person doesn't know what she's talking about, about services.
And I also feel like it's a little, maybe, even, dishonest, for people to pretend that it's about services. Because I really feel, sometimes, that people--like me, when I was younger, and like many other people--don't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, and feel very uncomfortable about it, and think that those people can't be anything like them, but that's just not true.
I read some interview with some guy, who, while he ultimately came out supporting Asperger's being enfolded into the autism diagnosis, he said that it's hard to think of yourself as being like people who have to wear a helmet and use adult diapers. And I don't know, I think that's funny because even some people who don't have autism have to use diapers, because all kinds of people have those problems, especially when they're older and stuff, or if they're in a car accident...I guess I think it's funny that he thinks that only happens to severely autistic people.
But anyway, I just think it's really funny that someone is upset by the idea that they might even be associated with someone who God forbid uses diapers. If you ever actually met anyone who has those kinds of disabilities, it's pretty much like meeting any other person, if you can believe it, it's not like that's the only thing there when you look at them. And I don't know, that just makes me feel upset.
On a different (but not extremely different) subject, I get really upset by the word retarded, when it's used as an insult. And I feel like when I try to say that it upsets me, I get this attitude like I'm being really politically correct, and I think people imagine that I'm trying to defend this imaginary group of like, "retarded people," all these disabled people who are, like, too disabled to understand what's going on, and that I'm trying to be charitable. Well, that's not the case. Retarded people, who have a diagnosis of mental retardation...some of these people that I care about and think are really cool and like to be around as much as I like to be around anyone else, and, I'm definitely not being charitable--I'm defending, basically, my friends, or my fellow disabled people.
I mean, I've been called "retarded” as an insult. I think a lot of people with Autism Spectrum Disorders have been. And, there are certain people who will go around...well, I feel like Asperger's has gotten to this point in our culture where we're kind of being thought of as, like, these exotic zoo animals, because we have, like, splinter skills and special talents, and a big effort is being made to distinguish us from either severely autistic people, or retarded people, or sometimes they're just considered to be one big group of people, which doesn't really make sense.
But this makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think my value is in my supposed splinter skills, if I even have such a thing. And I've been called retarded, and I think I have some of the same problems that some intellectually disabled people have. I definitely have some of the same problems that some severely disabled autistic people, who are mistaken for intellectually disabled, have. So, I mean...yeah, to some extent, when people use the word retarded, I even feel like they're insulting me, so I'm not being charitable. I'm defending myself.
And, um, I don't want to separate myself from other disabled people because it isn't fair. It has to go farther than that. I can't just be thinking about myself. I have to be thinking about all the other people who are in this with me.
10 February, 2010
Autism Spectrum Disorders in the DSM V Part 2 Transcript
Um, a really long time ago I had talked about how I read an article about how the diagnostic...something...the DSM...I actually realized I have no idea what that stands for, which is kind of bad. [For the record, I know what the DSM is and all, I just forget what it stands for.]
Yeah, so they're trying to change Asperger's, and autism, and PDD into Autism Spectrum Disorders, and I had talked before about how I thought this was incredibly good and important. And I guess, now, they've sort of made it more official that they're planning on doing that, and of course some people have said things about how they don't agree, and, um, I don't know, I find that very upsetting.
So, um, I guess--and I mean, I'll explain more about what I mean, because I feel like this sounds like a very big statement to make, but I feel like, um, some people with Asperger's, or people with Autism Spectrum Disorders who are verbal and fairly academically gifted think that the way they're different is okay but they don't feel ready to accept the ways that other people are different.
And, um, this makes me very upset. I feel like I've certainly probably been like that at some point, like, when I was younger I didn't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, so I feel like a lot of people I probably thought that I didn't have much in common with them. But as I've gotten older I've found out that this isn't true, and that prejudice against some people with disabilities is insulting to all people with disabilities, and prejudice against some people with Autism Spectrum Disorders is insulting to everybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
And, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that I'm more like nondisabled people than I am like severely autistic people. Like, I feel like, maybe if you made, like, a diagram, and you had, like, somebody who can't talk and isn't toilet-trained, etc., I guess you could probably figure it out mathematically so that I'm more like a nondisabled person, but I don't know, I still feel like, the ways in which I'm different--I still feel very connected and identified with that severely disabled person. And, um, it's very hard for me to feel that I'm not supposed to care about that person.
And, um, my mom--I haven't heard it yet, 'cause I guess it was on the radio and it's not online yet. But it was a woman about my age who has Asperger's, and she said that she doesn't agree with Asperger's being considered autism, because she says that she doesn't identify with people who are severely disabled--and, um, apparently, she said people who are mentally disabled
--which, I think, I've probably gone over how this doesn't make sense, and how if someone's severely autistic, you can't actually tell if they're mentally disabled, and some people with severe autism have been shown to have normal intelligence or even be brilliant, and that's just a fallacy, it's not true.
But, um, I guess this girl had said that she thought it was a problem with services because if everyone was called autistic, then, um, she doesn't know what she'll do because the services that she needs aren't the services that a severely autistic person needs. Well, this, I guess, I feel like it's just a strawman and it doesn't make any sense. Because I mean, for example, a person could have a diagnosis of an intellectual disability, and this could mean that when they get a job they need some extra help with their job and they need some extra help with their tax forms and stuff. Or it could mean that they can't talk at all and they live in a group home and they need people to help them with quite a lot of things all the time. And these people have the same diagnosis.
And another example is, like, cerebral palsy, which is when you don't get enough air when you're in the womb, and it leads to having, like, a physical disability with, like, trouble controlling your muscles and muscle weakness and stuff. So, for some people this could mean that they use a wheelchair, and they can't really talk, so they have to use like a machine or a computer to talk, and some people don't even have enough muscle control to do that. So, those people definitely need a lot of services from the government, because they need an aide to help them get around, and they need communication devices, and they need a wheelchair. But there are also maybe people who have some trouble walking, but they can walk, and they talk in a different way, they can still talk. And those people obviously don't need as many services, or they need different kinds of services.
So, um, I don't think the fact that all these people are called people with cerebral palsy, or that all the intellectually disabled people are called intellectually disabled people...I don't think that means that they all have to get the same services. I mean, that's kind of ridiculous. I feel like, to the extent that that's true, that everyone with one disability is expected to be the same, and you're expected to be judged--what you need is supposed to be judged by, like, the word that your disability is--you're not able to be like "I have trouble with self-care skills" or "I need help moving around" or something like that--that isn't really the case, and to the extent that that is the case, it shouldn't be the case.
So, I guess I don't understand how me being called "autistic" means that I'm somehow going to end up with all the services that a severely autistic person would have. Or, um, I've also been accused of, people like me, who are "high-functioning," trying to take away the services from "low-functioning" people which also isn't true--like, I have no desire to take all the services that a severely disabled person needs, and have them end up with my services, which at this point are not any services. Like, that just doesn't make any sense, and I feel like this person doesn't know what she's talking about.
And I also feel like it's a little, maybe, even, dishonest, for people to pretend that it's about services. Because I really feel, sometimes, that, um, people--like me, when I was younger, and like many other people--don't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, and feel very uncomfortable about it, and think that those people can't be anything like them, but that's just not true.
I read some interview with some guy, who, like, while he ultimately came out supporting Asperger's being enfolded into the autism diagnosis, he said, um, that it's hard to think of yourself as being like people who have to wear a helmet and use adult diapers. And, um, I don't know, I think that's funny because, like, even some people who don't have autism have to use diapers, because, like, all kinds of people have those problems, especially when they're older and stuff, or if they're in a car accident, you know, like...I guess I think it's funny that he thinks that only happens to severely autistic people.
But, um, just the same, I just think it's really funny that someone is upset by the idea that they might even be associated with someone who God forbid uses diapers. If you ever actually met anyone who has those kinds of disabilities, it's pretty much like meeting any other person, if you can believe it, it's not like that's the only thing there when you look at them. And, um, I don't know, that just makes me feel upset
I feel like, um...Okay. I get really upset by the word retarded, when it's used as an insult. And I feel like when I try to say that it upsets me, I get this attitude like I'm being really politically correct, and I think people imagine that I'm trying to defend this imaginary group of like, "retarded people," all these disabled people who are, like, too disabled to understand what's going on, and that I'm trying to be charitable. Well, that's not the case. Retarded people, who have a diagnosis of mental retardation...some of these people that I care about and think are really cool and like to be around as much as I like to be around anyone else, and, um, I'm definitely not being charitable--I'm defending, basically, my friends, or my fellow disabled people. And also, I think--
I mean, I've been called "retarded." I think a lot of people with Autism Spectrum Disorders have been called "retarded." And, um, there are certain people who will go around...I feel like Asperger's has gotten to this point in our culture where we're kind of being thought of as, like, these exotic zoo animals, because we have, like, splinter skills and special talents, and a big effort is being made to distinguish us from either severely autistic people, or retarded people, or sometimes they're just considered to be one big group of people, which doesn't really make sense.
But, um, this makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think my value is in my supposed splinter skills, if I even have such a thing. And, um, I've been called retarded, I think I have some of the same problems that some intellectually disabled people have. I definitely have some of the same problems that some severely disabled autistic people, who are also called "retarded," have. So, I mean...yeah, to some extent, when people use the word retarded, I even feel like they're insulting me, so I'm not being charitable. I'm defending myself.
And, um, I don't want to separate myself from other disabled people because it isn't fair. It has to go farther than that. I can't just be thinking about myself. I have to be thinking about all the other people who are in this with me.
(I guess maybe I do these in case a person who can't hear or doesn't like noises would be interested, but I also am just interested in figuring out how I speak, which is a lot of why I started making YouTube videos in the first place. I think it's interesting that as I've recently started trying to advocate for myself a lot more, I've started using the phrases "It upsets me" and "It makes me feel uncomfortable" almost compulsively. It's really cool to be able to say those words, I hope someday all of us learn how to say them.)
Yeah, so they're trying to change Asperger's, and autism, and PDD into Autism Spectrum Disorders, and I had talked before about how I thought this was incredibly good and important. And I guess, now, they've sort of made it more official that they're planning on doing that, and of course some people have said things about how they don't agree, and, um, I don't know, I find that very upsetting.
So, um, I guess--and I mean, I'll explain more about what I mean, because I feel like this sounds like a very big statement to make, but I feel like, um, some people with Asperger's, or people with Autism Spectrum Disorders who are verbal and fairly academically gifted think that the way they're different is okay but they don't feel ready to accept the ways that other people are different.
And, um, this makes me very upset. I feel like I've certainly probably been like that at some point, like, when I was younger I didn't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, so I feel like a lot of people I probably thought that I didn't have much in common with them. But as I've gotten older I've found out that this isn't true, and that prejudice against some people with disabilities is insulting to all people with disabilities, and prejudice against some people with Autism Spectrum Disorders is insulting to everybody with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
And, I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that I'm more like nondisabled people than I am like severely autistic people. Like, I feel like, maybe if you made, like, a diagram, and you had, like, somebody who can't talk and isn't toilet-trained, etc., I guess you could probably figure it out mathematically so that I'm more like a nondisabled person, but I don't know, I still feel like, the ways in which I'm different--I still feel very connected and identified with that severely disabled person. And, um, it's very hard for me to feel that I'm not supposed to care about that person.
And, um, my mom--I haven't heard it yet, 'cause I guess it was on the radio and it's not online yet. But it was a woman about my age who has Asperger's, and she said that she doesn't agree with Asperger's being considered autism, because she says that she doesn't identify with people who are severely disabled--and, um, apparently, she said people who are mentally disabled
--which, I think, I've probably gone over how this doesn't make sense, and how if someone's severely autistic, you can't actually tell if they're mentally disabled, and some people with severe autism have been shown to have normal intelligence or even be brilliant, and that's just a fallacy, it's not true.
But, um, I guess this girl had said that she thought it was a problem with services because if everyone was called autistic, then, um, she doesn't know what she'll do because the services that she needs aren't the services that a severely autistic person needs. Well, this, I guess, I feel like it's just a strawman and it doesn't make any sense. Because I mean, for example, a person could have a diagnosis of an intellectual disability, and this could mean that when they get a job they need some extra help with their job and they need some extra help with their tax forms and stuff. Or it could mean that they can't talk at all and they live in a group home and they need people to help them with quite a lot of things all the time. And these people have the same diagnosis.
And another example is, like, cerebral palsy, which is when you don't get enough air when you're in the womb, and it leads to having, like, a physical disability with, like, trouble controlling your muscles and muscle weakness and stuff. So, for some people this could mean that they use a wheelchair, and they can't really talk, so they have to use like a machine or a computer to talk, and some people don't even have enough muscle control to do that. So, those people definitely need a lot of services from the government, because they need an aide to help them get around, and they need communication devices, and they need a wheelchair. But there are also maybe people who have some trouble walking, but they can walk, and they talk in a different way, they can still talk. And those people obviously don't need as many services, or they need different kinds of services.
So, um, I don't think the fact that all these people are called people with cerebral palsy, or that all the intellectually disabled people are called intellectually disabled people...I don't think that means that they all have to get the same services. I mean, that's kind of ridiculous. I feel like, to the extent that that's true, that everyone with one disability is expected to be the same, and you're expected to be judged--what you need is supposed to be judged by, like, the word that your disability is--you're not able to be like "I have trouble with self-care skills" or "I need help moving around" or something like that--that isn't really the case, and to the extent that that is the case, it shouldn't be the case.
So, I guess I don't understand how me being called "autistic" means that I'm somehow going to end up with all the services that a severely autistic person would have. Or, um, I've also been accused of, people like me, who are "high-functioning," trying to take away the services from "low-functioning" people which also isn't true--like, I have no desire to take all the services that a severely disabled person needs, and have them end up with my services, which at this point are not any services. Like, that just doesn't make any sense, and I feel like this person doesn't know what she's talking about.
And I also feel like it's a little, maybe, even, dishonest, for people to pretend that it's about services. Because I really feel, sometimes, that, um, people--like me, when I was younger, and like many other people--don't know a lot of people with severe disabilities, and feel very uncomfortable about it, and think that those people can't be anything like them, but that's just not true.
I read some interview with some guy, who, like, while he ultimately came out supporting Asperger's being enfolded into the autism diagnosis, he said, um, that it's hard to think of yourself as being like people who have to wear a helmet and use adult diapers. And, um, I don't know, I think that's funny because, like, even some people who don't have autism have to use diapers, because, like, all kinds of people have those problems, especially when they're older and stuff, or if they're in a car accident, you know, like...I guess I think it's funny that he thinks that only happens to severely autistic people.
But, um, just the same, I just think it's really funny that someone is upset by the idea that they might even be associated with someone who God forbid uses diapers. If you ever actually met anyone who has those kinds of disabilities, it's pretty much like meeting any other person, if you can believe it, it's not like that's the only thing there when you look at them. And, um, I don't know, that just makes me feel upset
I feel like, um...Okay. I get really upset by the word retarded, when it's used as an insult. And I feel like when I try to say that it upsets me, I get this attitude like I'm being really politically correct, and I think people imagine that I'm trying to defend this imaginary group of like, "retarded people," all these disabled people who are, like, too disabled to understand what's going on, and that I'm trying to be charitable. Well, that's not the case. Retarded people, who have a diagnosis of mental retardation...some of these people that I care about and think are really cool and like to be around as much as I like to be around anyone else, and, um, I'm definitely not being charitable--I'm defending, basically, my friends, or my fellow disabled people. And also, I think--
I mean, I've been called "retarded." I think a lot of people with Autism Spectrum Disorders have been called "retarded." And, um, there are certain people who will go around...I feel like Asperger's has gotten to this point in our culture where we're kind of being thought of as, like, these exotic zoo animals, because we have, like, splinter skills and special talents, and a big effort is being made to distinguish us from either severely autistic people, or retarded people, or sometimes they're just considered to be one big group of people, which doesn't really make sense.
But, um, this makes me very uncomfortable. I don't think my value is in my supposed splinter skills, if I even have such a thing. And, um, I've been called retarded, I think I have some of the same problems that some intellectually disabled people have. I definitely have some of the same problems that some severely disabled autistic people, who are also called "retarded," have. So, I mean...yeah, to some extent, when people use the word retarded, I even feel like they're insulting me, so I'm not being charitable. I'm defending myself.
And, um, I don't want to separate myself from other disabled people because it isn't fair. It has to go farther than that. I can't just be thinking about myself. I have to be thinking about all the other people who are in this with me.
(I guess maybe I do these in case a person who can't hear or doesn't like noises would be interested, but I also am just interested in figuring out how I speak, which is a lot of why I started making YouTube videos in the first place. I think it's interesting that as I've recently started trying to advocate for myself a lot more, I've started using the phrases "It upsets me" and "It makes me feel uncomfortable" almost compulsively. It's really cool to be able to say those words, I hope someday all of us learn how to say them.)
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