I TRIED

me: so does todd want to write a blog against disablism guest post?
today?
todd: oh dear.
todd: what is the idea?
me: it's okay I just wondered, since I didn't have anything to say myself because I was too happy
todd: maybe todd could answer a couple of questions and there could be an interview instead of a blog post.
me: Yeah! I could interview you! What do you want me to interview you about?
todd: hmmmm
me: it has to be about ableism
do you want to talk about problems at school?
DO YOU WANT A FAKE NAME?
todd: hahaha!
i probably...
just a sec...
me: I mean, I like your name
todd: toddynho?
me: I just thought if you minded. but I guess a lot of people are named todd
but I like your name!
todd: also, it's SOOOO annoying to be called "[firstname]" all the time.
me: your name is Todd
people call you [Firstname]?
todd: like at the dr's office.
me: why?
todd: because i'm [firstname] todd [lastname]
me: oh
todd: maybe that's what you should put on your blog.
me: wait, so what do you want the interview to be about
I mean, do you have anything interesting to say about ableism? would you want to talk about your experience with certain jerks at school?
todd: tell people that if they have a kid, and they decide to put the name they're calling him or her in the "middle name" position, they might be causing that kid a great deal of avoidable stress, anxiety, and discomfort in the years to follow.
actually maybe it's better for me not to talk about ableism.

a public service announcement

(because I told Todd I was sorry for being mean, but if you're not Todd you might just read this exchange and think I'm super mean): everything [Dawn Eddings Prince] wrote is really beautiful and I feel the same way as some of it. But I feel really uncomfortable about anyone ASD who goes around saying they're not disabled. I understand that's maybe not what she's doing but I guess I'm just really sensitive to that.

This is how her article is described by Ethos, the journal it appears in: "Dawn Eddings Prince, who provides an emic or 'native' point of view, sharing her experience as an anthropologist with Asperger’s Syndrome and illustrating autism as a different way of being, rather than merely a medical condition."

??? Well, first of all, ASD is not a medical condition, it's a developmental disability. It's not a medical condition "merely" or in any other way. It's not a medical condition at all.

Second, all disabilities are ways of being.

I know that people with disabilities are alive and that we feel stuff. I think that assuming that people with disabilities feel really awful all the time, or feel terribly incomplete, is wrong. I think that a lot of the bad things that happen to disabled people come out of an idea that a)we're always in pain, or b)we feel things, especially happy things, with less vividness than everyone else. And a total refusal on the part of nondisabled people to listen to that.

So...when I hear people talking about how autism or any particular ASD is a "way of being" my question ends up being like...duh? And...why just ASD? Why not other disabilities too?

I am very very oversensitive to this kind of thing, I know. The truth is, fallacies about ASD not being a disability are my very favorite fallacies to tear apart, and I guess I try to sniff them out more than is entirely necessary.

this is a picture of my friend Todd:

really charming things people have said to me on the Internet

"What are your interests? My interests are California and Harry Potter...sorry, I'm being weird, I guess I'm at the lower-functioning end of the Asperger's spectrum." (I think this was somewhat sincere, that's why it's charming)

"I haven't emailed you because all I can think about is how you'll just answer me and tell me what a dick I am."

"No one really cares about the world or about people." (This is charming because it's a Francisco Hernandez reference!)

A set of pictures of rooms crammed with food, books, clothes, and possibly garbage, labeled "Life skills"

"I thought I should email you before I email my family because you'll get more nervous if I don't email you and think that I'm mad." (same person as #2--how cute is her theory of mind?)

I could say more but I don't want this list to become a Toddopoly, and I think that's likely to happen. Basically, I just feel really lucky that ASD people sometimes get in contact with me because of YouTube, because I don't know any ASD people in real life (well, one person seems ASD, but isn't diagnosed and doesn't describe herself that way). It's nice to watch people become scared in the same way that I am scared, and be careful in the same way that I'm careful.

My friend who seems ASD (who I haven't seen in eight months, but who is on campus, so I'll probably see her within the next few days) is a girl named Jane who always skips around and apologizes for things. One of my favorite things with Jane is that sometimes we both just sort of run off at the mouth using all our apology and carefulness scripts, and then we both rush to reassure each other. "I'm sorry I'm being so weird"/"No I'm sorry I'm being weird"/"But you're not being weird, it's my fault, I'm the one being weird"/"No you're not being weird, I think you're great"/"No, you're wrong, actually you're the one who's great, I think you confused the pronouns you were trying to use." It's like a puppet show after a while; the words aren't really language, just a game. A really safe game full of history.

I am not an especially good friend, by any means, but my friendship can have a systematic quality, and I don't think that's such a bad thing because I'm starting to realize how nice it is in others.