I can hear the laughs

I know this is what tumblr is for, but I just covered one of my Lifetime Favorite Songs (literally since I was 12), and, because of the things I have been writing about the last few days, I have been thinking how disability, music, sexuality, and religion all feel to me like sort of the same thing, and this song covers it all which is maybe why it always feels to me like it contains everything I'll ever need to hear.



You can really fall, wake up in a ruined house,
wrapped up in a torn-down curtain.
And when I get to hell will the lovely girls come down
to the banks of that red, red river?

I can hear the laughs when they find I've fallen down again.
I can hear the laughs and it hurts so bad I have to smile.

You can take a lot, put back not a thing,
still come home looking thinner.
And when I get to Oz, will the lovely witch come down,
kiss my pale, bleeding brow?

I can hear the laughs when they find I've fallen down again.
I can hear the laughs and it hurts so bad I have to smile.

my awesome dreams

So even though my entire theater started laughing when we saw M. Night Shyamalan's name in the Devil trailer (it's amazing how universal this experience is), after reading spoilers for it, I had this dream where I was cast in the movie as the devil but was too afraid to actually go in on the day they were shooting. I think that I think movies are like plays, so we actually had to just go in and stay in the elevator all day and have scary stuff happen to us and pretend to die. I was just really freaked out and didn't go. Then the director called me and asked where I was and I said I overslept and he was like, "that's okay, we can just CGI you in" and I think he just meant for the first few scenes, and I was still supposed to go in, but I just decided not to go at all.

(After I woke up I checked online to see if my unconscious mind correctly remembered the plot of the movie and it totally did, which is impressive given the stuff you usually get wrong in dreams. I'm pretty smart. Also on the "does Geoffrey Arend suck or is he awesome" debate, I'm definitely on the awesome side. If Christina Hendricks was married to some tall guy with giant muscles, it would just be sort of whatever, but instead she is married to someone who looks like us, which means that she's probably a great person and they play video games together all the time.)

I also dreamed that I was trying to find this poem "The Thought Machine," which was someone's poem about having ASD that they posted on the Asperger's livejournal community about seven years ago. In my dream, I went to this storage building that I was pretty sure the author of the poem used, and I was prepared to break into every storage space until I found the poem. But then someone showed up when I was looking around the first place I broke into, and when I explained why I was there, he said he was the person, and he'd go and get the poem for me right away. I was sort of disappointed because I was having fun breaking in to storage areas and reading people's old books.

Then when I woke up I tried to find the poem online, but I can't. I have parts of it memorized really well so I think if it was still up I would be able to find it. It's probably cheesy but I really liked it when I was younger and used to sing it to myself all the time.

eta: Adelaide is AMAZING, here it is: aspie song.

lol, look at this kid: Ergh. If you need any more proof that the way I talk is totally fake.

I also made a post that was like "I used to think autism was cool, but what about people who are severely autistic?" and got responses that were way too awesome for me to understand at the time.

I like this one: Out of curiosity. Also this: Meds and stuff. Although I think I have talked about that stuff here/on youtube.

Otherwise I wasn't a very interesting Baby Autie, although I do like the "Ergh" post.