The most boring, shitty person there is

I hate this one Television Without Pity recapper, Jacob. I mean, maybe he is an okay person in real life (just kidding, I'm sure he's not), but his recaps are the most annoying thing I've ever seen. They're not like recaps should be. I should know; I started reading TWoP recaps when I was 13, because I don't have any friends, and I still remember the first line that made me laugh out loud: "Previously, Willow wore an ugly brown top while insisting that Tara would never hang up on her." See, it's good because it's kind of funny and focuses on a random part of the scene, while still summarizing the content. This is the point of TWoP recaps. They help you find out what you missed, and/or relive something you enjoyed, while also amusing you, and (if the recapper likes the show well enough) you get to see what another fan thinks of such-and-such plot development. (It's a little annoying to read, for example, the Firefly recaps, because the person who did them really didn't like Firefly, and just picks various things apart. But they're still worth reading, I think.) Starting last year, I've marathoned several TV shows online, and have often read TWoP recaps during or after watching. Especially when I've been watching something like Carnivale which is fairly hard to follow, it's really nice to be able to read a recap that helps me figure out what's supposed to be important. And it's a bit like watching a show with someone else (okay, I have friends now, but they're not always around when I want to watch TV).

But he's either a super prolific recapper, or I'm just unlucky, because so fucking many of the shows I watch happen to be recapped by this guy Jacob, who thinks he's James Joyce. SO UNFORTUNATE. Instead of just saying what happens and what he thinks about it, he launches into these really long, flowery essays about various aspects of the show. Or, sometimes, things that have nothing to do with the show! ANNOYING.

I just went on Google to find out if I am alone. And I'm totally not. Apparently other people hate him just as much. (Every word is a different link. This was my most satisfying Google experience.)

Anyway, I'm not going to tag every post like this "intellectual disability," because I'm not saying anything really interesting or helpful, but what inspired this post was the most douchebaggy Jacob passage yet:

(...You don't remember [something it's unrealistic for the character to not remember]?...This isn't even [character]-bashing right now: I'm legitimately confused. Because either the acting is fracked or the script is, and with [character] that's always the question, isn't it. So I don't know. Either [character]'s making a choice here, a really ugly and petty and resentful one -- which: wouldn't that be something? -- or the actor thinks that [character]'s just sleepy and confused about shit, which...makes no sense. Or else I've been right all along, and [character] actually is just a high-functioning mentally retarded adult, which means [character's husband] got a retard pregnant, and also that he hits retards. And I'm not totally enjoying [character's husband] right now, but that is way harsh.)

I mean, Jacob says retarded all the time, like a lot of people do, and what else would you expect from someone who's so obsessed with proving his intelligence? Intellectually disabled people are probably his greatest fear, because they frequently manage to be likable and interesting without spewing out incredibly long bullshit recaps about television shows. Whereas he probably thinks that his bullshit is all he has. But with this passage, he took the fucked-up-but-possibly-unintentional implications of his word use and made them absolutely clear. Not only is Jacob an annoying egotist who sucks at his job, he's a horrible person. The More You Know.