The Bible is always saying that you should hate the world and sometimes I feel like hating the world is a way of better loving it. And hating people is a way of loving them better. Being focused on your own pleasure from other people, being afraid of having conflict with the people you love if you don’t do what will make them like you in the short run, is really a way of guaranteeing that the love you experience with them is not real.
My dad and I got to go to my dad’s friend’s church which I really love. The priest was a gay person and he mentioned his coming out process in his sermon. I’m always disoriented when people assume that being queer and religious is some sort of conflict for me. And I am also disoriented I think when queer religious people hold opposing views, having relationships and being open in secular environments, but still kind of acting as though they think homosexuality is wrong when they’re in religious environments. I would not be with God if I was straight I think. And I really fear the loss of God now that I’m in an environment where my sexuality is not such a big issue, because being an oppressed minority breeds hatred—and by hatred I mean the disconnect from immediate gratification and easy connection that causes you to detach enough to treasure everything and try to be consistent and decent in your actions.
It is really frustrating that Christianity is so based in community because it makes it hard for me to do things like go to church because I have so much anxiety about groups. So I wouldn’t say that having autism is helpful to me in the way that being queer is, or if it is it equally helps and hurts me—because autism is a little like the kind of hatred I’m talking about, the tendency to focus seriously on details instead of being caught up in your impression of what’s really going on. And that is I think a gift. But the anxiety stuff is a huge problem and I just feel shitty when I think of all that people have gone through to be Christian when I can’t even talk to people and initiate actions enough to be baptized, which consequently makes it hard for me to make myself go to the church in Oberlin because I can’t take communion, blah blah blah. I pray a lot on it and all but I guess your own mind is the hardest thing to fight.
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I guess I don't really understand your take on hatred, because to me hatred is this burning feeling of wanting to destroy another person. Which in no way can be a good thing, but somehow I don't think that's what you're talking about when you say 'hatred'.
ReplyDelete"Being focused on your own pleasure from other people, being afraid of having conflict with the people you love if you don’t do what will make them like you in the short run, is really a way of guaranteeing that the love you experience with them is not real."
That's a really interesting point though.
well, that is just the term they use in the Bible but when Christ is saying you're supposed to hate your family etc...I mean, it's Christ, so it is generally agreed that He doesn't mean hate hate.
ReplyDeleteThat was very interesting to read because I thought the hate-your-family bit was one of the things that Christians tend to ignore in the Bible, like the whole not-trimming-your-beard thing (which Jews also ignore). It's cool to see that it can be incorporated into someone's theology in a decent way.
ReplyDeleteThat's an interesting take on hate. It certainly gives me new perspective on the part about hating your family, which I never understood. I wouldn't have used the word hate, but I think I have similar feelings about love. I think that one way of loving someone is to want them to be the best they can be. While this is tricky to express in indvidual relationships, I think it's the best approach towards institutions and communities.
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