part two of what I mean

It would almost be like if everything only existed while you were looking at it so if something was important you had to look at it all the time. It's hard for me to concentrate on anything deeply because I'm afraid of what I might lose. I have a sense of having to force myself to do everything I do. I also have trouble working on longer-term projects that are upsetting to me (like transferring credits from study abroad) because I'm afraid that "looking" at them for too long could lead to a lot of distress, so I constantly "look" away, but when I do that, they cease to exist.