20 November, 2009


so maybe it is not the country.

I had to do a presentation in my art history tutorial and I was able to more or less bullshit my way through it and exploit my general medieval and church history obsession and my very messy (but better than my classmates') understanding of Islam, and my tutorial teacher joked with me and stuff. Now I'm in a good mood. I think the problem here, though it does stem from how anonymous UK education is, is not really about the UK in itself; it's more just that I feel like I'm not really expressing myself or connecting with anyone.

Part of this is the lack of snow, and feeling embarrassed whenever I open my mouth and say everything wrong--my church history teacher pronounces controversy "con-TRA-vussy," how beautiful is that? But it's also just how the school is. People skip classes all the time and never ever seem excited about things. But they don't even seem like they hate class either, which would be something. They're just there like they work in an office.

The other day I dreamed I was home. It was pretty cool. But hopefully I will continue to talk in art history tutorials in the future, which feels like wiggling my toes, helping myself concentrate on reading by slamming my hand through the air, spelling out words with my fingers when I was a kid. Movement wakes up my brain.

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